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Nov 18th, 2008

scared sh!tless!!!!!!!!

ok so me and jarid had a talk last nite and the past came up. we always said the past is the past and it won't change anything but im afraid it changed how i look at him. i love him to death and just want the best for him. What if hes not ready to give up his single party carefree life? What if i become his misstake after we are married?

I know what cheating can do to a family. My fathers father cheated on my granny and left her for another women (she was a child at the time she was 16! the same age as my father!!!) i never got to meet my grandfather and never really wanted to. Cheating destroyes a family i seen it first hand. i watched the hurt my father had to go through. The hate that he kept balled up inside for all those years.

I just don't want that to happen to me. It would kill me my father would kill him for sure for doing that to his babygir!

Im freaking out here!! i dont know what to do or what to think anymore.... all i know is i love him and want him to be happy and if its not with me im kewl with that. for the first time in my life if a guy was not happy with me and wanted to leave i'd b ok yea i would be heart broken and single for a VERY LONG TIME! but i'd know he was happy. he who knows maybe he would go then come back to me....

but right now im jus really freak out about this its marrage i dont play wit God and i dont believe in divorce soo what do i do now how do i go about it???

Posted by luvofasailor at 14:38 on Nov 18th, 2008

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jlynnaz	Posted on 02:49PM on Nov 18th, 2008 Personally, I find cheating vulgar. I would make sure that you can actually trust him. How do you know that he is not going to do something stupid again? Things like this take time. Don't rush into anything, especially that you are worried about this. I would go into deep discussion with him. Not casual. A "this is what I want from you if we're going to be together" talk. Make a list of desires that you want in a relationship. Have him do the same and then you two discuss it together. Thats what me and my boyfriend did when we were having some issues.
luvofasailor Feeling bummed	Posted on 02:56PM on Nov 18th, 2008 thanks jylnnaz i will do that when he get home for xmas. hes never cheated while we were a couple but he admits he tried to get with girls while we were dating. and the way he talks about single life is like he is missing out on life. i dont see how he has the the freedom in the worl jus not to mess around on me and we see each other on when hes on leave. which isnt very often.
darleen	Posted on 07:12PM on Nov 25th, 2008 Marriage is a huge step. Like you said it should be a forever thing... In my opinion, to say "I DO" you shouldn't have even an inkling of doubt. One thing i do know for sure is that if you don't have trust, then you have nothing to build on!! Good luck my dear and follow your heart. Do you pray?? If you do, bonus, ask for direction. KK??
luvofasailor Feeling bummed	Posted on 07:13AM on Nov 26th, 2008 yea darleen i do pray and go to church as much as my work allows, i work alll the time lol, but god is leading me in this. I do trust jarid i just fear he will look back on his past in a few years and want that life style back. i love him to death and finding myself and letting god take back over my life lead us back together. thank you for your help and god bless!
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